Arise :: FW 2010

Hello,

Life has been happening a lot lately. (That’s what it’s supposed to do right?) But don’t fret… still here. Work, Mellow, Purchasing a first home, the snow… Have all left me feeling a bit sluggish. I’m trying to remind myself that this is a marathon not a sprint. I’m also trying to remind myself that drinking water, taking vitamins, going to the gym (yeck!) will actually make me feel better not worse.


Current Themes running on my mind’s treadmill:

Unconditional Love of others, Self Love, Universal Love - Love is all we need. It heals all wounds and allows a space for growth and acceptance. It is the greatest medicine.

Self Forgiveness - We always hear how wonderfully freeing it is to forgive others and to let things go. But somehow I never got the memo that forgiving myself is also just as powerful.

People are People Too – Expecting to much from any one person is unfair to yourself and to that person. We all fail. The pressure that we put on each other to somehow never hurt us is unrealistic and unfair. I am learning to stop yearning for perfection from my loved ones. I am learning to accept and forgive. Just as I am learning to forgive myself. And I am learning that the greatest reality of all is that God never fails. So it really doesn’t matter if we are failed by people. We still have someone in our corner at all times.

xo,
G




P.S. Did I mention that I am SO EXCITED about my new Camera?!
I attended the Arise Fashion Show (Fashion Week 2010) in New York last weekend and took some shots of the city. Click on the picture to view the whole album.

I need...

...to find a very good book to read. Something to make my mind slow down a bit…
This weekend will be the busiest we’ve had yet over at Mellow. Even with the cancelation we just had, Saturday will keep us mega busy. MEGA. I’m excited.

I think… that I wish…

That I could… mislay some of my stupid obsessions and learn to live and breath and enjoy this life.

My theory...

... is that if I work my ass off for the next few years, save and plan accordingly, and pray really hard, I’ll be able to get my self together financially so that I can actually spend more time with family and friends in the future. Not sure if it’s possible because of course with age comes more expenses and things. But the concept of living simply and frugally have been on the mind lately and I think the combination of these plus hard work will pay off. For now though I think I sleep less and less each night from all the work.

The list of things to do continues to grow… seems like every time I finish one thing, quite a few more jump onto it. But that’s the beauty of the life I currently choose… so it is what it is.

Had Jury Duty yesterday but didn’t get called. So I ended up sitting in the waiting room for the majority of the day. (We were let go early… around 2:30). Managed to squeak out a newsletter for the mailing list. (Valentine’s Day Gift Certificates are on sale so partake. :) ) Also input some more of the mounting intake forms into the database. So it wasn’t a wasted day.

There’s finally a sign up at Sherman Mills to let people know where Mellow is. Only took a year. It looks really great though. I’ll show pictures sometime.

San Miguel School Charity Golf

I played in the San Miguel School Charity Golf Tournament last Monday. The San Miguel School is a private school for troubled Camden Boys. This is my second year playing. I still have no clue what I’m doing. Can you tell?

Thanks Lady Toni for the Pics!

p.s. RIP Bernie and Isaac.

Simple

I find that I am quite ridged in my thinking. At times I am completely obsessed with the way things are supposed to be. Wear the right clothes. Save the right amount of money. Buy the right house. Piece together the right kind of solid, structured American family. Don’t drink that. Don’t eat that. Go to bed early and don’t waste time.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about living simply. About what we really NEED in order to survive and what we just kind of like to have along for the ride. I’ve been thinking about “right” and “wrong” with respect to what we should want for our lives and what we should strive for. I search for a way to break away from these very certain molds that I have built for myself. To live freely and simply, and maybe even slowly, is something that I seem to never master.

The concept sounds childish -- to live a life that is slightly lacking in boundary and that allows time for simple and free living. But in all honesty, aside from a need to learn a bit more responsibility, do children really have it so wrong? Why are we so stuffy when adulthood sets in? Is it stress that makes us this way? And if so, why do we allow ourselves to become so bogged down with things that if could be tangibly measured, would not be worth the effort?

For most, the notion that “we cant take it with us” kind of slips from our grasp as we graduate from mandatory secondary education and look at our so called options. We are told that the only way to make this life work is to go on to study at a university and then some… and though I don’t regret any of my education, I’m completely puzzled by the fact that we go into so much debt to live these lives. Is it possible to live a fulfilling life with no stress? School begat debt begat endless working… living like our neighbor begat debt begat endless working... without school, our neighbor's influence and debt, would there be less work?

Or maybe the work being done would be of the save the world sort instead of the save ourselves from drowning in debt sort...

I need Help

With my camera.

It’s an HP PhotoSmart M630.

Usually my pictures come out all blurry like this.


Or even sometimes this.



Got any thoughts?

Anyway, here is my birthday. So much fun! Not sure if you can tell just how much fun through the blur. :)

Mmmm Sushi.


My parents wonder what he is up to…


Crazy faces. Least its clear! :) Enjoy your week!


Peace,
G

p.s. Muxtape is cool.

Just Before the Eleventh

I realized about 3 years ago that I really don’t connect with January 1st as a New Year. I believe that my new year is April 11… My Birthday. So April is the time that I have begun to do most of my reflecting though of course the first of January is still somewhat nostalgic.

It’s rare that I ever feel a pressing need to write something down. Mostly, I write so that I don’t forget things. The secondary reason is to keep friends, family, and an eerie stranger or two informed about stuff going on in my life. But never as a release or in response to an actual feeling of need. However as I contemplate my approaching birthday and what it actually means to be turning 27, I suddenly feel a need to release a thing or two.

As I was driving in my car a day or two ago, about 20 simultaneous thoughts made their way into my consciousness. This started with an out-of-no-where revelation that I will never ever be able to pay my parents back for the things that they have done for me. I don’t know where the thought came from nor do I know its significance, but I do know that I somehow never grasped this very simple truth until today. It had previously dawned on me that I certainly owe them a whole WHOLE lot… but never did it register that it would be an impossible debt to pay. The simple fact is that they literally made me who I am. If not for them, I wouldn’t be the me that you and I know. I wouldn’t be a neatly divided half perfectionist, half procrastinating-skater-by. I wouldn’t have pushed myself to get two bachelors degrees when one was just fine for most others. And forget the MBA… why go for more schooling I don’t “need”? I wouldn’t have even gone to school or cared about reading to learn new things as a means of strengthening my skill set, knowledge base, and pool of opportunity if it hadn’t been for my mother who made me read and write reports that were completely above and beyond school requirement.

I’d never care about starting a business if my mother and father hadn’t made me believe that I could do any and everything that I wanted to with my future.

There is just so much of me that they’ve fashioned, that I will never have the means to repay. How do you repay someone for giving you… yourself?

Like many people, I’ve often struggled with these types of subjects/questions. Meaning of life sort of questions; the type that people have an opinion on but can’t answer for certain. Life after life on earth, religion verses spirituality, the validity of the Bible as a guide verses just a historical account with note worthy parables and lessons… The topics of the questions are endless. One can read and listen and learn all they want to, but the reality is that there will never be answers to certain questions. At least not in this existence. Maybe in the next.

Having said that, I must also make it clear that there are quite a few things that I do understand and or believe fully. For example, I believe that there is most definitely a God. I don’t see how you can live on this astounding planet and not believe that. We have so much proof that humans can’t make something from nothing. Unless you really think that there was a huge bang and suddenly we just showed up, then there must be some power in the universe greater than anything we’ve ever known.

I don’t believe in luck and I don’t believe in coincidence. I know that I am a Christian if for nothing more than the fact that I believe in and aspire to be like Christ. I don’t think anyone, no matter if you believe in Christ as the Messiah, a profit, or just a man and nothing more, can argue that he is not worth patterning oneself after. To give selflessly to strangers is amazing to me. We are always looking for something in return for our actions… This man never did. Inspiring? I think so.

But people will scream things from the top of their lungs… “This is my belief! It should be yours too!” Somehow I’ve never felt sincere in doing that. I don’t think that there is much certainty in a lot of the things that people say they believe. And instead of shouting that I am certain of EVERYTHING, I find it easier to sit back and listen to whatever lesson is on the wind of the universe at the moment. For example, I can’t, say that I believe a baby who passes at or just after birth will go to hell. Now I’m not saying that babies are automatically saved. But does it make sense that a soul with no chance at all to hear the “Good News” would be damned completely? Without choice or a second chance? Doesn’t that undermined the entire Christian claim that people have free will and can either choose to accept or reject the gift of Christ’s blood? I struggle with this. I have no conclusion.

I also struggle with the fact that we really don’t know what comes after this life. Again, there are theories and what some would call proof. But no one has been able to say that they know for sure. At least no one that really seemed reliable to me. I have thoughts about what will happen. But it bothers me that NO ONE knows for certain. Faith and Hope are very different from concrete fact. I can live off of faith and hope. But I still need to be honest with myself that the characteristics of faith and hope support a certain number of my beliefs… not tangible fact.

I’ve gotten into far more than intended, but my point is that as I get older, there are more and more questions running around in seemingly strengthening and mounting circles of which I can not control, nor can I immediately answer. But I am starting to work through answering at least some of them. And others I am learning to accept as things that I may not ever comprehend.

So at the onset of this Birthday at which there are still so many unanswered questions, there are a few things that I do know.

I know that at this new beginning, I am far happier than I can put into words. Far happier than I would have guessed I could be. And completely intent on seeing what God has in store for the next 27 years of my life.

My family is with me. And they are all healthy and happy. Their presence alone is so incredible to me as I look around at friends that don’t have the amount of love and togetherness that I experience daily. As I mentioned before, my parents are so amazing… there are no words and there is no payment for the mounds of things they’ve done for me. I’m blessed to say that my beautiful sister is also my best friend… having her around to take care of me and make me laugh is truly a gift. And what would this conversation be without a mention of Sungee, who has never once asked me to be anything or anyone other than who I am. I love him for that.

Things have fallen into place that I didn’t really even realize where missing. In this the later portion of my twenties, as I begin to understand what is truly important… Real friends and family, I realize that I have what I need. That a change of mindset can bring immediate riches is beyond me. And I am so blessed that I involuntarily wait in fear of something awful happening since statistically, if you’re into probability and that sort of thing, there is no way that I can continue to be as blessed as I am, unless of course it is God’s will (as I DO believe in miracles and find them easier to believe than the notion that the souls of babes end up in hell).

And to counteract and not overwhelm myself with to much blessedness and so as not to have something precious and dear taken away, the only true option that I see is to bless others with what I’ve been given. I see no other option than to give of myself, my time, and energy. Since so much has been given to me.

People have asked what I want to do for my birthday. Aside from not going to work for the day… (YES!) There really isn’t much that I need. And that is honest and completely true. It’s not a matter of me being unsure or shy to ask. Nor is it that I am to lazy to plan something or feeling anti-social. I don’t want to do anything but be content in the life that God has provided for me at this time. Whether or not all of my questions are answered, I am certain that this life as we currently know it, is not a forever one. A new or changed life of some sort will have to come at a given point. It’s the way of things.

Cherishing loved ones and the relationships that we are so blessed to have with them, and living each day as positively and fully as we can are the only weapons that we have against the unknown. Regardless of the next chapter, we do have the option to live this one as completely as we know how.

With love,

G

Subscription to My Life

I think I’m due for an entry here. It’s much better than doing the mounds of work piling up… Damn pile. It’s never ending.

I gotta say that the more things happen, the less able I am to pull them together into some sort of cohesive written text for mental digestion. That’s why I’m always in and out of blogging… Sometimes I can’t get my thoughts together.

But in summary, we are still convincing people to come in for massage almost to my amazement. They’re trickling in one at a time that’s for sure, but they’re still coming nonetheless.

Had our first creepy-can’t-comeback-ever client too. That’s an experience I don’t want to go through again.

Good reviews are coming in. (woo-hoo!)

AND we’re finally up on Myspace and Facebook. Be our friend. Thanks.

Random Stuff…

Finally sent Sungee’s Cuff back to LA to be sized since apparently I have no idea how to estimate a wrist size. Thanks to Sunny for being so ready and willing to fix it for us so that he can actually wear it. Yay!

Also, added a couple links to the right side over there… Someone has taken the time to list out the things that “Educated [as oppose to just plain ‘ol] Black people like”. It's a response to someone else’s list of the “Stuff that white people like”. Let me know what you think. Do you subscribe to these stereotypes?

And speaking of subscriptions, did you know that you can get magazine subscriptions from Ebay for like pennies? Dude I lie not. I got 5 subscriptions for a total of about $10. Two have started coming. They are current, addressed to me, and very real I assure you. It's insane… Please just make sure to read the fine print so you end up with a new subscription and not a bunch of old back issues. Thanks Jerry.

xo,
G

Procrastination

It is Friday and there is much that I should be doing.
I have two papers due next week… lots of discussion board reading and writing to do…
I must be the queen of procrastination… there is no other explanation for it.
Literally all of my time goes toward SAYING that I’m going to do something… not toward doing it. Its been this way almost my entire life.

I have 1.5 hours of time right now to do work. With my mind on it and the pedal to the metal I could make a serious dent in the work that I have to do for this weekend…

When am I going to grow up? Its time I stop acting this way and just DO what needs to be done. Makes sense right? If I do it now then I can relax later… knowing that it’s done!

Grrrrr….

I can’t even use the excuse that I don’t like school because I do this with things that I like and Things that I don’t like… all of the time. procrastinate,procrastinate,procrastinate…


Ok gonna read now. At least I’m saying that I’ll read…

Faking on Activism?

I long to be a real, hardcore activist… but I’m not really sure how.

If being an activist means standing strong in what one considers to be absolute truth, making certain that when the world shoves you and the stuff that you love deeply … that you fight back… well if it means those things then Id have to say I’m pretty active. However if it means standing on a picket line or chaining myself to a moving truck of undeserving prisoners, then I haven’t really mastered the art yet. I’m down though… I’m all for fighting the cause FOR the cause. But I don’t seem to have many experiences like those under my belt.

It’s kind of corny to just fight for the sake of fighting though. I conclude that I am an activist simply because my mind says that I am. Just as it tells me that I am an author and an artist among other personal truths. I know how I feel when I hear something that is not quite right. I know that I speak up with distinction when the situation calls for such. I know that I can sleep at night with the decisions that I make regarding freedom, eco-friendly shopping, and “buying black”. Sometimes my statements are a little subtle and subdued… but they are ALWAYS real and firm. Fight the Power.