Arise :: FW 2010

Hello,

Life has been happening a lot lately. (That’s what it’s supposed to do right?) But don’t fret… still here. Work, Mellow, Purchasing a first home, the snow… Have all left me feeling a bit sluggish. I’m trying to remind myself that this is a marathon not a sprint. I’m also trying to remind myself that drinking water, taking vitamins, going to the gym (yeck!) will actually make me feel better not worse.


Current Themes running on my mind’s treadmill:

Unconditional Love of others, Self Love, Universal Love - Love is all we need. It heals all wounds and allows a space for growth and acceptance. It is the greatest medicine.

Self Forgiveness - We always hear how wonderfully freeing it is to forgive others and to let things go. But somehow I never got the memo that forgiving myself is also just as powerful.

People are People Too – Expecting to much from any one person is unfair to yourself and to that person. We all fail. The pressure that we put on each other to somehow never hurt us is unrealistic and unfair. I am learning to stop yearning for perfection from my loved ones. I am learning to accept and forgive. Just as I am learning to forgive myself. And I am learning that the greatest reality of all is that God never fails. So it really doesn’t matter if we are failed by people. We still have someone in our corner at all times.

xo,
G




P.S. Did I mention that I am SO EXCITED about my new Camera?!
I attended the Arise Fashion Show (Fashion Week 2010) in New York last weekend and took some shots of the city. Click on the picture to view the whole album.

My Thing

Sometimes I forget who I am. Or who I’m supposed to be.
I get distracted by people… like people on TV or something.
Sometimes I think I’m supposed to be like those people.

I hate that.

Then I see a locked hippy-ish guitar playin brown girl.
And it’s clear again.



http://www.sparlhaswa.com/

Just Before the Eleventh

I realized about 3 years ago that I really don’t connect with January 1st as a New Year. I believe that my new year is April 11… My Birthday. So April is the time that I have begun to do most of my reflecting though of course the first of January is still somewhat nostalgic.

It’s rare that I ever feel a pressing need to write something down. Mostly, I write so that I don’t forget things. The secondary reason is to keep friends, family, and an eerie stranger or two informed about stuff going on in my life. But never as a release or in response to an actual feeling of need. However as I contemplate my approaching birthday and what it actually means to be turning 27, I suddenly feel a need to release a thing or two.

As I was driving in my car a day or two ago, about 20 simultaneous thoughts made their way into my consciousness. This started with an out-of-no-where revelation that I will never ever be able to pay my parents back for the things that they have done for me. I don’t know where the thought came from nor do I know its significance, but I do know that I somehow never grasped this very simple truth until today. It had previously dawned on me that I certainly owe them a whole WHOLE lot… but never did it register that it would be an impossible debt to pay. The simple fact is that they literally made me who I am. If not for them, I wouldn’t be the me that you and I know. I wouldn’t be a neatly divided half perfectionist, half procrastinating-skater-by. I wouldn’t have pushed myself to get two bachelors degrees when one was just fine for most others. And forget the MBA… why go for more schooling I don’t “need”? I wouldn’t have even gone to school or cared about reading to learn new things as a means of strengthening my skill set, knowledge base, and pool of opportunity if it hadn’t been for my mother who made me read and write reports that were completely above and beyond school requirement.

I’d never care about starting a business if my mother and father hadn’t made me believe that I could do any and everything that I wanted to with my future.

There is just so much of me that they’ve fashioned, that I will never have the means to repay. How do you repay someone for giving you… yourself?

Like many people, I’ve often struggled with these types of subjects/questions. Meaning of life sort of questions; the type that people have an opinion on but can’t answer for certain. Life after life on earth, religion verses spirituality, the validity of the Bible as a guide verses just a historical account with note worthy parables and lessons… The topics of the questions are endless. One can read and listen and learn all they want to, but the reality is that there will never be answers to certain questions. At least not in this existence. Maybe in the next.

Having said that, I must also make it clear that there are quite a few things that I do understand and or believe fully. For example, I believe that there is most definitely a God. I don’t see how you can live on this astounding planet and not believe that. We have so much proof that humans can’t make something from nothing. Unless you really think that there was a huge bang and suddenly we just showed up, then there must be some power in the universe greater than anything we’ve ever known.

I don’t believe in luck and I don’t believe in coincidence. I know that I am a Christian if for nothing more than the fact that I believe in and aspire to be like Christ. I don’t think anyone, no matter if you believe in Christ as the Messiah, a profit, or just a man and nothing more, can argue that he is not worth patterning oneself after. To give selflessly to strangers is amazing to me. We are always looking for something in return for our actions… This man never did. Inspiring? I think so.

But people will scream things from the top of their lungs… “This is my belief! It should be yours too!” Somehow I’ve never felt sincere in doing that. I don’t think that there is much certainty in a lot of the things that people say they believe. And instead of shouting that I am certain of EVERYTHING, I find it easier to sit back and listen to whatever lesson is on the wind of the universe at the moment. For example, I can’t, say that I believe a baby who passes at or just after birth will go to hell. Now I’m not saying that babies are automatically saved. But does it make sense that a soul with no chance at all to hear the “Good News” would be damned completely? Without choice or a second chance? Doesn’t that undermined the entire Christian claim that people have free will and can either choose to accept or reject the gift of Christ’s blood? I struggle with this. I have no conclusion.

I also struggle with the fact that we really don’t know what comes after this life. Again, there are theories and what some would call proof. But no one has been able to say that they know for sure. At least no one that really seemed reliable to me. I have thoughts about what will happen. But it bothers me that NO ONE knows for certain. Faith and Hope are very different from concrete fact. I can live off of faith and hope. But I still need to be honest with myself that the characteristics of faith and hope support a certain number of my beliefs… not tangible fact.

I’ve gotten into far more than intended, but my point is that as I get older, there are more and more questions running around in seemingly strengthening and mounting circles of which I can not control, nor can I immediately answer. But I am starting to work through answering at least some of them. And others I am learning to accept as things that I may not ever comprehend.

So at the onset of this Birthday at which there are still so many unanswered questions, there are a few things that I do know.

I know that at this new beginning, I am far happier than I can put into words. Far happier than I would have guessed I could be. And completely intent on seeing what God has in store for the next 27 years of my life.

My family is with me. And they are all healthy and happy. Their presence alone is so incredible to me as I look around at friends that don’t have the amount of love and togetherness that I experience daily. As I mentioned before, my parents are so amazing… there are no words and there is no payment for the mounds of things they’ve done for me. I’m blessed to say that my beautiful sister is also my best friend… having her around to take care of me and make me laugh is truly a gift. And what would this conversation be without a mention of Sungee, who has never once asked me to be anything or anyone other than who I am. I love him for that.

Things have fallen into place that I didn’t really even realize where missing. In this the later portion of my twenties, as I begin to understand what is truly important… Real friends and family, I realize that I have what I need. That a change of mindset can bring immediate riches is beyond me. And I am so blessed that I involuntarily wait in fear of something awful happening since statistically, if you’re into probability and that sort of thing, there is no way that I can continue to be as blessed as I am, unless of course it is God’s will (as I DO believe in miracles and find them easier to believe than the notion that the souls of babes end up in hell).

And to counteract and not overwhelm myself with to much blessedness and so as not to have something precious and dear taken away, the only true option that I see is to bless others with what I’ve been given. I see no other option than to give of myself, my time, and energy. Since so much has been given to me.

People have asked what I want to do for my birthday. Aside from not going to work for the day… (YES!) There really isn’t much that I need. And that is honest and completely true. It’s not a matter of me being unsure or shy to ask. Nor is it that I am to lazy to plan something or feeling anti-social. I don’t want to do anything but be content in the life that God has provided for me at this time. Whether or not all of my questions are answered, I am certain that this life as we currently know it, is not a forever one. A new or changed life of some sort will have to come at a given point. It’s the way of things.

Cherishing loved ones and the relationships that we are so blessed to have with them, and living each day as positively and fully as we can are the only weapons that we have against the unknown. Regardless of the next chapter, we do have the option to live this one as completely as we know how.

With love,

G

No Easy Road

I feel like today’s post would be the same as the last. I’m still tired. Maybe even more so… So what else is new?

I IMed my bud Cam at work today saying that I think I’ll quit teaching piano soon since I really need to free up some time.

He replied:

M, C, E says:
keep on pushing

M, C,E says:
when I was in school i used to sing that song

M, C, E says:
I don’t feel no ways tired

M, C, E says:
come to far from where i started from

M, C, E says:
nobody told me the road would be easy

M, C, E says:
I don’t believe he bought me this far to leave me

S, G says:
definitely some good lyrics in that song... thanks

M, C, E says:
no prob


Hmmmm… still might stop teaching. Though the words were helpful.

Healing Hands

My interest in Massage Therapy became apparent back in 2003 when I started working for Healing Hands in Bethlehem, PA. It’s an interesting little story. I needed a job. My last semester of school had ended but my lease had not, and so I’d found myself living in Bethlehem for at least the rest of the year. In search of a job, I always follow the same routine.

• Dress for success
• Bring lots of copies of resumes
• Hit the streets.
• Stop in any and every place in which people might possibly find work.

And literally, this is what I do. I park at one end of a street and walk. Going in and out of business for days at a time until I find a job. It’s a simple procedure and one that has never failed me. And it’s why I always wonder how it is possible that people can’t find work for months or even years at a time.

Sure it might not be the job that you want. And it may be the case that you have to work somewhere for 2 weeks until you find something better. No one is saying that you can survive with a family of 6 and a mortgage off of a McDonald’s salary.

But what I am saying is that chances are in your favor if you work for it. There is a job if you’re willing to take it… so in theory, you should never be totally without work for to long. It’s a matter of statistics. If you enter many places to offer yourself for work, your chances are statistically better than if you only enter a place or two. That’s definitely another story…

So anyway, Healing Hands turned me down when I went in and asked for work.

I left my resume though and the next day they called and asked if I’d be interested in reception work.

The rest is mostly history. It is here that I learned about alternative medicine, wellness, the power and healing art of touch and massage, internal cleansing and the benefits of practices like yoga… Its not that all massage therapy centers teach you these things. I just happened upon a really great group of people that knew so much and had so much to give… it is after this center that I pattern Mellow. Mellow is growing to be a place of comfort… and a space for breathing. It’s a place to learn and to grow free of judgment. We’ll strive to be the best massage in the city. And we’ll strive to teach the lessons that I learned at Healing Hands.

Love or Companionship

Recent LM e-mail traffic.... this is what we do all day.

Start at the bottom...
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Subject
RE: Do we marry for love????

I know I’m late on this one but I still wanted to put in my few cents.

It’s interesting to read all of your views on the subject especially since I’m still unmarried and most of the opinions here are of those that ARE married.

There’s a definite societal idea (that most of us unmarried folk subscribe to) in which we look for that relationship that is solely or at least largely based on the “blind spellbinding can’t live without it” love. Sometimes we find it and sometimes we don’t, but when we do find it, it’s tough in the beginning to even fathom a time when that strong almost fleeting love will fade and the unconditional and comfortable love will have to kick in.

I personally look to marry a man that I initially fall head over heals in love with, that I can see myself STAYING in love with, but also that I can see will be a good companion. Same as most of you have already said. It would be silly for me to think that companionship is not as important if not more important than love. To fully commit to one person for the rest of your future has got to be based on more than a feeling… or else it’s likely to fall apart if/when the feeling changes or wanes.


G
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Subject
RE: Do we marry for love????


For me, there was no doubt that I was head over heels in love. Sun shining and birds singing on cloudy days and all.
But I thought I’d been in love before, so I know that it was something more.
Many of us have experienced that infatuated fleeting love. But I didn’t marry those guys, for whatever reason.
As I got to know my husband, I fell in love with the quality of man that he is. And found him to be an excellent companion.
Me knowing that he’d be by my side, someone who I could grow old with and he’d take care of me, someone who I’d want to take care of.
In addition to the love it was important to me that we could talk to each other and share our feelings free of judgment.

So I guess I can say, love made me consider marrying him, but his companionship made him my final choice.

AO
_________________________
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes.


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Subject: RE: Do we marry for love????


Great Question!

My choice is love AND companionship!
I found this great article on the internet..

Peace & Many Blessings,
L


What we expect from marriage is deeply ingrained is us, from our families of origin, and from our culture. You may come from a background that assumes the man will be the provider, and the woman will take care of the house, and both spouses will take an active part in child-rearing -- not just wiping noses, but training, values and character development. If you marry someone whose expectations are the same, things will go fairly smoothly.

But what if you're a man with the above expectations, who marries a woman who comes from a family where the women all had active and successful careers, and also took major responsibility for the upbringing of the children, wanting only for the man to provide his portion of their upkeep, but to stay out of the training?

There are many expectations we have about marriage, and we might as well call them emotional needs, because if they aren't met we aren't going to be very happy. It can destroy the love we initially had for the person. The better you can define these assumed needs to yourself, and to the person you're considering marrying, the better the chances of finding someone who feels the same way.

Vocabulary is very important here. I hear many men, for instance, saying they want "companionship." Fred said that in his second wife he wanted "companionship," and he fell in love with Lisa. Lisa wanted companionship too. The trouble arose when it turned out companionship meant to Lisa someone to talk to, share ideas, feelings and thoughts with, and relate closely intellectually and emotionally, with lots of open conversation, and to Fred, it meant recreational companionship. He wanted someone to sail, bike ride and play tennis with him, and without a lot of talking. Lisa and Fred both wanted someone they could hang out with, but the nature of that hanging out was very different, and, ultimately unbridgeable.

In the meantime, there can be those stalemate fights that turn into imbroglios, where the man yells at the woman, "But I want companionship (play golf with me)" and the woman
yells back, "But I'm giving you companionship. (I love to talk to you)" Or she says, "I wanted you to help raise the children" (teach them) and he replies, "Well Iearn all the money, don't I?"

Some of things we expect from a marriage include: recreational companionship, intellectual companionship, physical affection, verbal affection, esteem, admiration, respect, financial support, domestic support, intense emotional relating (which is also called "companionship"), sexual fulfillment, working toward idealistic goals (such as political activism), fidelity, one who prefers to lead or to be led, good looks, athletic ability, a genetic parent for your children, and so forth. Define as well how you want these manifested. Admiration can be silent or vocalized. Affection can be physical or verbal.

As you read these, if you ASSUME that one or more of them is what everyone wants, you particularly need to pay attention, because in actuality it's amazing what people do want and expect that other people don't.

It's important to know what you want, and then to observe the person you're considering marrying. Tom, for instance, primarily wanted a homemaker and recreational playmate from a wife. Middle-aged, he fell in love with a woman in her mid-30s who had never been married. This should have been a red-flag that domestic life probably wasn't what she was interested in. Once married, she became ardently interested in a career, since he provided her the opportunity to get further education, and as she turned her focus there, all hopes of recreational companionship for Tom vanished. She, on the other hand, had expected emotionally oriented conversation from him (openness), and joint accelerating career and financial goals. To him, "she never cooked or cleaned house." To her, "he just wanted to play."

It is devastating when we love someone and find out too late they aren't interested in the same things. It is hard to trade off meeting needs that really aren't felt and enjoyed, and accommodation isn't always possible, i.e., you either are faithful or you aren't, you either want kids or you don't. If you want financial support from a man, it's best to find one who really loves to make money. If you want physical affection from a woman, it's best to find one who can't keep her hands off you. These things can't be faked, but, sometimes, when falling in love, we fool ourselves and therefore fool the other person.

Issues can become clouded during courtship, especially when there is sex too soon. Physical intimacy causes those wonderful chemicals that cloud our thinking, and start the
bonding process. We can start to need and want a person who ultimately may not be able to meet our marital needs.

Take some time to envision carefully what you want marriage to look like. Observe the person you have in mind in different situations. For instance, Tom might have noticed,
if he hadn't been so "in love," that his partner didn't know how to cook and was never at home. She, on the other hand, might have noticed most of his time and enthusiasm went into his recreation, and that he was content with his job and financial situation the way they were.

Nothing is insurmountable, but you increase your chances by being mindful at the outset. Couples survive the infertility of one when they both wanted children, and a spouse can learn to verbalize, or make physical, the affection they feel, if they want to please, but the couch potato and amateur athlete who marry will can't accommodate, and the career-driven women won't be happy baking bread and being available for tennis games

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Hello ladies,

Truthfully, love is fleeting. Or should I say being in
love is fleeting. Honestly it comes and goes but true
love and commitment are what make a marriage work. So
once the mushy gushies are gone and he is getting on
your last nerve, you better know and be glad that he
is still your companion and that you still wouldn't
trade him for anybody else.

So I say being in love gets you in the door but tru
love and companionship makes you stay.



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Ladies,

It’s that time again for the ladies forum to get together and address a problem that women are facing everyday.

Last night, I was on the phone with a very close friend of mine and we had a very interesting conversation. The question came up on whether we marry for love or companionship. Of course my answer was I married for love, but after thinking about it and listening to her, I started wondering. There is no doubt in my mind that I love my husband and I am sure that is the reason, but I would like to hear from others, both single and married.

So the question of the day is “Do we marry for love or companionship”?

Please advise.
TB

A White Woman's Opinion of Black Women: A Forward

This is an e-mail forward...
its worth reading.

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"It seems that an article was written to Sister 2 Sister magazine by a Caucasian woman who requested a response from black men. I'm so glad she got what she asked for (and more) !!!


Dear Jamie:

I'm sorry but I would like to challenge some of your Black male readers. I am a White female who is engaged to a Black male-good-looking, educated and loving. I just don't understand a lot of Black female's attitudes about our relationship.

My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Black women were slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage. Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was constantly approached by Black men, willing to wine and dine me and give me the world. If Black women are so up in arms about us being with their men, why don't they
look at themselves and make some changes. I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we're out in public. I would like to hear from some Black men about why we are so appealing and coveted by them. Bryant Gumbel just left his wife of 26 years for one of us Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones, Harry Belafonte, Sydney Poitier , Kofi Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius, Berry Gordy, Billy Blanks, Larry Fishburne, Wesley Snipes... I could go on and on. But, right now, I'm a little angry and that is why I wrote this so hurriedly. Don't be mad with us White women because so many of your men want us. Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat your men better. If I'm wrong, Black men, let me know.

Disgusted White Girl, Somewhere in VA


RESPONSE

Dear Jamie:

I would like to respond to the letter written by A Disgusted White Girl. Let me start by saying that I am a 28-year old black man. I graduated from one of the most prestigious universities in Atlanta, Georgia with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Business Management. I have a good job at a major corporation and have recently purchased a house. So, I consider myself to be among the ranks of successful black men. I will not use my precious time to slander white people. I just want to set the record straight of why black men date white women. Back in the day, one of the biggest reasons why black men dated white women was because they were considered easy. The black girls in my neighborhood were raised in the church. They were very strict about when they lost their virginity and who they lost it to. Because of our impatience to wait, brothers would look for someone who would give it up easy without too much hassle. So, they turned to the white girls. Nowadays, in my opinion, a lot of brothers date white women because they are docile and easy to control. A lot of black men, because of insecurities, fears, and overall weaknesses, have become intimidated by the strength of our black women. We are afraid that our woman will be more successful than us, make more money than us, drive nicer cars and own bigger houses. Because of this fear, many black men look for a more docile woman. Someone we can control. I have talked to numerous black men and they continuously comment on how easy it is to control and walk over their white women. I just want to set the record straight. I want A Disgusted White Girl to know that not all successful black men date white women. Brothers like Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan, Morris Chestnut, Will Smith, Blair Underwood, Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds, Samuel L. Jackson, and Chris Rock all married strong black women And, to flip the script, there are numerous white men, in and out of the spot light, who openly or secretly desire black women over white women. Ted Danson, Robert DeNiro, and David Bowie to name a few. I just don't want a disgusted white girl to be misinformed Stop thinking that because you are white that you are some type of goddess. Remember, when black Egyptian Queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were ruling Dynasties and armies of men in Egypt, you were over in the caves of Europe eating raw meat and beating each other over the head with clubs. Read your history! It was the black woman that taught you how to cook and season your food. It was the black woman that taught you how to raise your children. It was black women who were breast feeding and raising your babies during slavery. It is the black woman that had to endure watching their fathers, husbands, and children beaten, killed, and thrown in jail. Black women were born with two strikes against them: being black and being a woman. And, through all this, Still They Rise!

It is because of the black women's strength, elegance, power, love and beauty that I could> never> date anyone except my black Queen. It is not just the outer beauty that captivates and draws me to them. It is not the fact that they come in all shapes, sizes, colors and shades that I love them. Their inner beauty is what I find most appealing about black women. Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing souls, their integrity, their ability to overcome great obstacles, their willingness to stand for what they believe in, and their determination to succeed and reach their highest potential while enduring great pain and suffering is why I have fallen in love with black women. I honestly believe that your anger is geared more toward jealousy and envy more so than snotty looks. If this were not so, then why do you continuously go to tanning salons to darken your skin? If you are so proud to be white, then why don't you just be happy with your pale skin? Why do you continue to inject your lips, hips, and breasts with unnatural and dangerous substances so you can look fuller and more voluptuous? I think that your anger is really a result of you wanting to have what the black woman has.

BOTTOM LINE: If I were looking for a docile woman, someone I can walk over and control, I would give you a call. But, unfortunately, I am looking for a Virtuous Woman. Someone that can be a good wife and mother to my children.

Someone who can be my best friend and understands my struggles. I am looking for a soul mate. I am looking for a sister and; unfortunately, you do not and CANNOT fit the bill.

No offense taken, none given.

Signed, Black Royalty"

Freedom for the Jena 6

As many of you know, I attended my first march/protest this past Thursday in Jena, Louisiana. The story of the “Jena 6” and the resulting protests, and rallys are everywhere and I’m certain that if you don’t know what’s going on down there, you’ll “google” “Jena six” or click on the following link to find out the details. Please remember that it’s difficult to link to an article because links are often outdated as details change or are confirmed, etc.

Jena Six


Thanks for your support and prayers as my sister and I took this journey. We did our best to make you proud. I want to take some time to focus on some of the things that I learned along this amazing, over 48 hour round trip bus ride into the deep deep south where the most ugly face of racial injustice is quite apparent… not at all hush hush as most of us are used to.

We boarded the bus at 5 am on Wednesday September 19, 2007. All were represented… every one from 6 to 81 years of age, every race, every religion. ALL were represented within the two busses that traveled together. (A total of about 15 busses traveled down to Jena from Philadelphia; however our bus traveled the entire trip with one other companion bus.)

Though we were all so different, we had one very important trait in common. We had no idea the immense impact that this impending journey would have on our lives, our way of thinking, and our way of viewing and perceiving this thing called activism.

In short, we were seeking to show our support for the “Jena 6”, a group of young men being accused of things so ridiculous and in such a matter, that most people actually let out a slight (albeit disgusted) chuckle when listening to the accusations and details of the case. It’s unreal to think that a 16 year old could be charged and convicted in an adult courtroom for attempted murder with a tennis shoe after participating in nothing more than a high school fist fight. Yet this has happened, and those on the trip felt it our duty to fight for, support, and show love for these young men and their families during this time.

Some expected that we’d have Mychal Bell, the only young man still being held in prison, freed by the end of Thursday. Freedom for Bell and the remaining 5 young men was our mission. Our goal… our purpose.

Though Freedom did not prevail, the energy and momentum that was generated from this journey was so extreme that we could feel and smell it in the air. Touch and taste it in our conversations with the local black folk that thanked us over and over and over again, claiming that they needed our presence and support.

In our supposed loss situation, we actually came out on top. In relationships, in energy and attitude. In ideas and faith. In hope, in fire, in determination and in understanding that this is the beginning of something great; we all gained.

No sense can be made of a town that lives decades behind its time. A town in which blacks are not held to the same standards as whites in a court of law. A town in which high school children (and yes people, no matter how grown we think we are at 15 or 16, we are absolutely and without doubt, still children) are forced to participate in a separate but certainly not equal, lifestyle… And it is in fact so ridiculous and gives one such a headache in trying to make sense of it, that it has ignited a fight in the 10s of thousands of people who journeyed down to show the nation… the world… that we can unite. We can organize. We can act civil and peaceful in demanding respect. And make no mistake about this. Respect will be demanded from here on out. In 2007, there is no room for a town like Jena. A town that takes away the lives of our black children in an attempt to rid the nation of our race. It stops right now.

Many of these wonderful people that we traveled with are already meeting and planning our next steps. The most important lesson learned during this trip was that the struggle is not over. It is very much real, present, and frightening. If we do not fight to end the racism, and injustice in this country, we will lose. I for one will not lose something that I have not at least fought for.

I’ll post more information about what you can personally do to help with the fight for the “Jena 6”. Please do not take the attitude that you as one lone individual have no influence. You alone have all the power that thousands together have. As I’ve mentioned before, You MUST stand up for what you believe in. no matter what it is. If you don’t, you CAN NOT expect anyone else to stand up for you.

In Jena and now after, I feel certain that I, as one, can and will make an impact. Every protestor that attended the march in Jena is one person on their own. However, together, we flooded the streets of that town… proving that we are a unit that will not stand for others to control our future.

For now, peace people.

P.S. MELLOW IS COMING!
Details soon.

When I think of home, I think of a place...

Ok so here’s the deal.

I’m moving back home.

“GASP!!” you say.

No really. I am. I love Philadelphia. I will definitely miss my beautifully airy, well-lit, and spacious apartment on the 6th floor… but, I’ve decided not to renew my lease at the good old black and gold Iroquois Building. Now don’t get all upset and mushy on me. Cuz it’s going to be alright.

After some long hard thinking and self examination, I’ve realized that it just makes sense. I’ve decided to go home for a few months to get things “together” and start looking for a house. This is the goal and I’m putting it out here for all of you to read… so that you can hold me to it.

I feel somewhat afraid.

In all honesty, I’m so blessed to have a family that will welcome me back with open arms (as long as I pay for the house laundry detergent among a few other menial things of household contribution). And though I will miss having my own space, I know that it will be worth it. Wish me good providence. Don’t worry. I’ll be back very soon.

Mellow Lives

Remember when I mentioned that I thought I could win a Business Plan Competition?
Well, I got my chance… looks like that Mellow thing just isn’t ready to die yet.

I entered a business plan competition at the Enterprise Center in West Philadelphia.
It’s a competition that I’ve know about for years but between an incomplete plan and missed deadlines, I haven’t been able to enter… until this year.

And guess what?

Made it to the final round… Today I presented the plan to a panel of judges.
And I must say, it went extremely well.

A therapist demonstrated our trade while my mother sat supportively in the back of the presentation room… and I did my presentation. I’m most certain that I got my point across. (which of course was, “I LOVE MASSAGE THERAPY! I WANT TO QUIT MY JOB AND RUN A BUSINESS FULL TIME! AND YES… I NEED MONEY!!!”

Mucho thanks to the folks that really helped me organize my thoughts and get the presentation ready.

Life is really about timing. And whether or not I win, I’m very proud to have pushed this far.

GO MELLOW!

26... ok

So I’m officially 26. And you know I really don’t feel to bad!
I remember turning 21 and feeling all depressed and stuff… not sure why. But 26 is actually pretty good. Young enough to have a lot to look forward to. Old enough to feel good about where I’ve come from.

Thanks to everyone who made the day special! I love you all!

p.s.

Because of popular demand, the Hand Cream is now for sale.
Check it out and thanks for all of the encouragement!

Conversations with a former Music teacher...

My Space is in fact good for something.

note... changed teach's name to "old teacher"... for her sake.

some folks are offended by truth.
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Original Message -----------------Date: Feb 21, 2007 11:29 AM
okay, after leaving my last comment, i checked out the rest of your page. i'm pretty much in tears after reading the ani defranco poem & watching the "identity" video/blog that you posted. i love what you stand for, it's heartbreaking (but necessary) to see what little progress we've made. i live in downtown kansas city, take the bus/walk as my only mode of transportation and work in a largely hispanic neighborhood. i've become accustom to being the minority in my world (although, i realize it's not the same as being a minority in our country.) just yesterday, my co-workers and i were talking w/ the business owner (charlie) across the street. he's mexican american and has been in this neighborhood for a long time. it was so sad to me to listen to his stories and the clear resentment/anger/frustration/pain/fear/injustice that still exists today, between all races. i even asked him if the racial tensions have subsided at all over the years, and he honestly thought it hadn't. kansas city is a pretty segregated town...it's the midwest. it's so frustrating to me. we're the new business in the neighborhood, and we're white. it'll be interesting to see how our relationship w/ the community develops. i'm hopeful, i have to be.okay, i'm done for now. i just really wanted to say that i love what you seem to stand for...as much as can be gleaned from a person's myspace page, anyway! i hope this finds you well. i would love to know what you've been up to and where life has taken you.
cheers
~ *OLD TEACHER*

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Original Message -----------------Date: Feb 24, 2007 10:59 AM

Great to find you!!its one of the great things about online communities like Myspace... you can catch up with people and find out how they are doing... Im glad to hear your'e doing well!! :)Yeah i hear your frustration... the world is full of frustrations though. I just try to keep dialogue flowing, and keep standing for what i believe, regardless of what it is. To me, silence and inaction (if thats a word) is just as much an injustice and a sin as actually committing a crime. I believe that we are all responsible for making change and I believe even more strongly that the little things do count. even if its a myspace posting or a decision to mentor one child... it all matters.I try not to be crazy or extreme though... ie its not realistic for me to walk to work so i drive... its not about feeling guilty about living your life... its about doing right as much as possible and being able to sleep at night knowing that you've done your best to make the world a better place.I think its awesome that you take time to get to know the people in your community that are different from you. People have such great stories dont they! but sometimes we're so afraid to talk to strangers or people that dont look or sound or dress like us... we miss out on sooooo much!sorry if i sound preachy... all of these things... making change great or small, living positively, giving back... are really close to my heart so i kinda go off on tangents sometimes...As for me, I went to Lehigh University and got a couple degrees in Finance and English. Minored in MUSIC!!! (yeah!). now i work for L.M. as a financial analyst. (i know... boo hiss....) working on getting my MBA at drexel and then hopefully i'll be able to move away from working for the "l monster" :) I teach Piano too which is awesome. i love it soooo much! hmmm what else.... oh and I own a massage therapy business... we do our thing mobile right now but we're looking to open a massage therapy center within the next few months.other than that, i live in Philadelphia... have two cats names Amani and Kamau, and uh... ha ha... thats the quick update of where life has taken me.but, how is the REST of life??? you seem to be doing well... Kansas City??? HOTNESS! :) nice to see someone travel and doing new things... so many kings people stay right at kings for LIFE! ha ha...write soon! :)

G

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Date: Mar 1, 2007 2:57 PM
well, that was quite the hello from me! :) i re-read my initial message (ie rant) to you and thought, well, hell, i could have at least said hello! ah well, i was in a moment. i agree with so many things you wrote re: justice/injustice, action/inaction & trying to do what we can to make the world a better place. i do believe it's a series of small steps that make the difference. so bravo to you for your small steps.and congratulations on all the other things you've accomplished in your life...degrees, businesses, cats! you're obviously (still) a very driven woman and it's good to see. any chance any of your mellow employees want a client in KC? a massage sounds really good right now! as for me, i've been in KC for almost 3 years and am a production coordinator for a music producer. currently, we work with mostly indy/christian atists b/c that's where my boss' contacts are but we're both looking forward to expanding into other genres. being a small company gives me the opportunity to have a hand in many aspects of the business but of course, that's also the biggest challenge. overall, it's been a good introduction to the industry and we'll see where it leads. maybe it'll lead me back east...man, i miss the east coast! there's not much else to tell, work has been rather consuming over the last several months b/c we built & moved into a new studio. we're finally settling into a rhythm and i'm finding time for other things, again. i'm not married & don't have any kids...the #1 question on all kings students minds! :) i just started taking an acting class, just for fun. while i work in a creative environment, i'm rarely the one creating so i'm being proactive about adding that back into my life. one of these days, i just might sing again.how's the MBA coming? what's your goal for completion? i'm totally jealous that you're living in philly...i miss that town and i'm always talking about visiting. one of these days, i'll get back there.i have to say, after finding so many kings students w/ wedding rings and babies, it's nice to come across someone who chose a different path. there's nothing wrong with marriage/children but there's lots of time for those things and it scares me a bit to see how many jumped into that life so quickly. life is good at many different stages and i'm grateful for mine and you seem happy in yours, as well. please, tell your sister i said hi, i hope she's doing well, also. and keep in touch, i'd love to hear how you're doing.
peace,
*OLD TEACHER*

The Way I See It

The way I see it, to do RIGHT is always to do RIGHT. To do WRONG is always to do WRONG. Regardless of who or what you are acting for or against.

There is never a good reason to choose against actions of integrity. It is not ok to abuse an animal or to fail to recycle… we’re all responsible for the way this world turns.

Some folks think mistreatment of a person, is a worse crime than mistreatment of something inhuman… an animal, perhaps a plant, this earth that we’ve been so wonderfully blessed with, or even something material… such as a statue or a painting.

I say, directly or indirectly, everything you sense, through sight, touch, etc, was created by God and deserves to be taken care of and treated with respect.

Do right by any, every, and all things in order to preserve life and receive positive energy and happiness. I’ve begun to learn that the real and true way to be happy is to respect all creatures and things, and to live with a foundation of truth. Feel a sense of responsibility for ALL THINGS and all things will watch over you.

Faking on Activism?

I long to be a real, hardcore activist… but I’m not really sure how.

If being an activist means standing strong in what one considers to be absolute truth, making certain that when the world shoves you and the stuff that you love deeply … that you fight back… well if it means those things then Id have to say I’m pretty active. However if it means standing on a picket line or chaining myself to a moving truck of undeserving prisoners, then I haven’t really mastered the art yet. I’m down though… I’m all for fighting the cause FOR the cause. But I don’t seem to have many experiences like those under my belt.

It’s kind of corny to just fight for the sake of fighting though. I conclude that I am an activist simply because my mind says that I am. Just as it tells me that I am an author and an artist among other personal truths. I know how I feel when I hear something that is not quite right. I know that I speak up with distinction when the situation calls for such. I know that I can sleep at night with the decisions that I make regarding freedom, eco-friendly shopping, and “buying black”. Sometimes my statements are a little subtle and subdued… but they are ALWAYS real and firm. Fight the Power.

Writing and the motivation to do

Sungee found a song that I wrote about a year ago during those few months that he and I weren't speaking.

Its really embarrassing to me mainly for two reasons.

One, I almost NEVER share my writing... (so feel special cuz you're reading this! ha ha) It's personal and the thought of people reading it scares me to death. I think its the whole "what is your purpose for writing" thing again... I should be writing for myself... not to impress people. If I'm writing for myself then it really wont matter what others think of it... That's not to say that I wrote that song to impress anyone... it was written for me to release some thoughts that were in my head and also because i was messing around with my guitar and found some chords that I liked...


Two, I'm pretty sure the song was about him.

It wasn't long or revealing or anything like that. I'm not angry at all... kind of relieved to have someone read something that i wrote and not keel over and die from the horrid-ness... I'm afraid to ask what he thought of it though... I'm so lucky to have a man that is so honest with me... he didn't have to tell me that he found it! but he did. i need to work on being more open with him (though I am doing much better than i ever have... still something to work on)

Geez man i was soooo embarrassed when he said he read that thing! lol man I'm a trip...

The old me would have thrown the paper away and sulked for weeks... might have even deleted this blog for fear that someone i didn't want to see it might stumble upon it.

The new me however will continue to push forward and keep writing even though some of the stuff might be gay and corny to some people. its not for them... its for me.


This lesson of paying attention to what motivates us to do certain things has been entering my mind lately. Especially with reference to what I want my future to look like, Mellow, Sungee, Family and Friends, style, etc... its really everywhere.

I of course cant speak for everyone but for me, I've noticed that when I'm motivated by the "wrong things"... (money, status, opinion of others, etc...) I don't work as well... I take so much time thinking about how wonderful it will be when I have all of those things, that i don't actually take time to make it happen. and when it DOES happen, (i make a little more money ...be it through a raise or finding a new piano student etc. , i gain some status, people say that they like me, etc...) It never feels as good as I thought it would. Never.

As much as I want to believe contrary, money doesn't bring happiness. Having people know who we are... ex. status, power, idolatry... doesn't either... they are nice to have. but they aren't material. (not Material in the sense that they don't Matter.)

Now when I am motivated by things that ARE material... for example, getting Mellow off of the ground in order to work in a field that lets me spend more time with my family and have my children close to me at work... Relationship building and making my loved ones smile... things that are based in quality time... THEN, the journey is much more fulfilling and joyful, and the motivation is pure... so the outcome is as well.

A new focus of mine is to consistently check my personal motivation. and when it gets out of wack, I want to refocus on what's important. and choose those things FIRST above the material shallow, and selfish things that may have slipped in along the way.